January 2 2010, I thought this year will be the best year for me. But unfortunately, it starts with a terrible situation. It happen on a Saturday morning, my head is heavy and It felt stupid to get up in bed. Losing my temper and I pass out. Started my own war in our own house. I hit my father with my own bare hands. He also replied it by hitting me back. My younger brother was there and without hesitation join the crowd. My mom cried, shouting asking for help. But nobody dare to join our small scandal. We were like kids quarreling for a single toy. And suddenly, I accidentally grab the scissor in the study table. And tried to stab my own younger brother and my poor father. But luckily I am out numbered three to one, so I failed. My wife is holding our baby while crying and helpless. Lately local police arrived. They ask me nicely to go with them to avoid unnecessary damages. As usual, just like the old days, I go with them silently. So, I was again smoking behind bars.
This time I have two choices, cooperate with them or else I have to face a charge of attempted parricide for trying to stab my younger brother and father with a piece of scissor. My wife beg me to cooperate with them for the sake of our daughter Eila. Indeed I cooperate with them, I ask forgiveness for what I have done. I did not notice the tears falling in my face when I talk to them. My family decided to put me into a psychiatric therapy. This is not the first time to see a psychiatrist. I myself had seen a psychiatrist before because of these weird and unusual surroundings and weird voices. My doctor and I talk a lot, He gave me prescribed drugs to help me. He said that I suffer acute schizophrenia. Well I was not surprised. Even myself knew there was something wrong with me. My problem is how to determine rational and irrational. If I only know which of them, then I can go rest in peace.
Ever since I was troubled with my situation. First is the voices I heard. Second is those people surround me. When my doctor ask me why I am troubled with this voices? For me, It felt like these people are reading my mind and my thoughts. And these people surround me when I talk and hangout with them always contradict to those voices I heard. I am troubled because it felt like I was rape and helpless seeking for truth and justice. And it ended in diagnosing an illness called acute schizophrenia or most commonly known as beautiful mind. The big difference is I am not genius or a professor in a known university.
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